you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
