Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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