how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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