No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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