Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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