Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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