so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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