My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
