youre lurking in front of me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
