you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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