we have pet lesbian snakes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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