You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
