IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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