Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
