if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think my tv is drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
