We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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