I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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