somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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