Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
