Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
