Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
