"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
