idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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