Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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