I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
