Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
