She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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