how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
