what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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