Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
