Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
