Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
