It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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