I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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