Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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