Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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