Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
