How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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