I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
