All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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