you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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