just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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