Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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