it was like eating out sand paper
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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