Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
