im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
