you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
