I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
