He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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