We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
