he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
