I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize