Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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