I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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