Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
