i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
