So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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