she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
