he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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