I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
