Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
