I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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