I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't deserve a penis
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
