she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
