It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
