Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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