i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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