Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
