I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
