if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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