Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
